Looks like we made it.

I saw the doctor today and it looks like tonight is the night.  I’m not at all a candidate for induction so we’ll go in this evening and if they aren’t diverting non-emergency patients then by tomorrow morning I’ll have my son in my arms.  I’m overwhelmed to say the least.

David and I have been discussing our hopes for him.  Mostly it comes down to the fact we’d like to give our son the gift of self-confidence.  For him to have the ability to make a decision and be comfortable with it.  To know who he is and be proud of himself.  We’ve struggled with exactly how that might be accomplished.  Then I head the following on the radio yesterday:

Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn’t have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
Green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my breaks and mumbled under my breath
His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with “s” and I was concerned
So I said son now now where did you learn to talk like that

He said I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we’re just alike, hey ain’t we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I’ve been watching you

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said lord please help me help my stupid self
Then this side of bedtime later that night
Turning on my son’s scooby doo nightlight
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
And spoke to god like he was talking to a friend
And I said son now where’d you learn to pray like that

He said I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama’s hand
Yeah we’re just alike, hey ain’t we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I’ve been watching you

With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug
Said my little bear is growing up
He said but when I’m big I’ll still know what to do

Cause I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
By then I’ll be as strong as superman
We’ll be just alike, hey won’t we dad
When I can do everything you do
Cause I’ve been watching you

And it occurred to me that what I want most for my son is grow up to be like his daddy.  To be strong, and yet know when it is the right time to display that strength.  To try to see each situation from the other person’s perspective and have empathy for them.  To believe in himself and those he loves.  To know he is loved and be able to return that love.  I could go on, but I’m starting to sound like a hormonal pregnant woman.  The way to give my son the gift of self-confidence is to have him watch and emulate his dad and that makes my heart burst.

Check this space tomorrow as My Jessika will update as there is news.