Princess Kitty

My cat is an angry, angry animal. Not that you can tell by her demeanor. No, she is as sweet as honey. It’s her voice. She doesn’t actually meow. The sound that emanates from her is more of a “rant” sound. And it happens many times a day. She probably comes into the office at least a dozen times a day and sits at my feet and says something like “rant. rant rant rant rant. rant. rant rant.” I’m not really up on my kitty language skills but I think it translates to something such as: “Oh my goodness you would NOT believe what I just saw. There was a hummingbird in the backyard and it flew around. And on my way up here to tell you, my tummy itched so I had to stop on the stairs and itch it. Then there was a bit of fluff under the chair – an aside, maybe you could sweep the floors a little more regularly I know I don’t like the broom, but I like fluff even less – so I had to sniff that and then it got stuck to my nose. Oh! The air conditioner came on and isn’t interesting? When do you think you’ll get around to changing the water in my dish? I really like fresh water every hour or so. And filtered. Please don’t forget. Crikey. Would you look at the time? I have to nap.”

An hour or so later she comes back in and says “rant rant rant. rant. rant rant. rant. rant. rant rant rant rant rant.” Which, I think, translates to: “The dream I just had! Mice running through a field! Field mice! And all I had to do was run and I could chase them. Except that when I ran there was a screen door in the way and I smashed my head into and the mice got away. How much does that suck? Did you know I have a bunch of tin foil balls under the sofa? I keep them there because you big cats with your weird shaped feet keep stepping on them. Did you know the big cat with the shiny head that lives with us now puts these covers on his feet and I know he can’t see them so he doesn’t know where they are and I know he will probably step on me? Why does he do that? Oh my ear has an itch, just a second. Thanks so where was I? Oh yes, nap time. Love you. Miss you. Have your cats call my cats, babe.”

All day long.